Marriage is a subject that has come up more than a few times over the years, since I turned 18, and what has caused me to bring it up now is the fact that soon my brothers and I will be the only ones in my family, who have hit and passed 'Marriageable Age', who remain to get hitched. Nearly all of my cousin's who tick that box are either married to each other or some other cousin in the family, and I refuse to marry a cousin who shares my blood - some of my cousin-brothers have been candidates for me despite this tenet, though those were suggested by their parents and not my mother. My mother knows my stance on intra-family marriage, and I will not compromise the health of any future children I may be lucky enough to have.
That being said, any child I do have will be screwed anyway since there's a high likelihood that they'll inherit my condition, and so I have resolved that I will pay any amount there is to ensure my child will be free of this gene. Yes, I'm talking about Genetically Engineering my child since Retinitis Pigmentosa is currently an incurable condition, despite rather excellent recent developments in trial therapies to partially restore sight that remain to be perfected. I do remain optimistic, however, that hopefully at some point a definite cure (or as good as) will come into existence and I may not have to go down that route. I'm all for Genetic Engineering when it has benefits in the long-term, but I know that just like with Plastic Surgery, it will become commercialised and Gattaca* will be that much closer to becoming reality.
Anyway, the main point of this post is to highlight a fear that I have - do I tell any possible marriage candidates the 'small-print' included with their purchase**, or keep schtum and act as surprised and devastated as they are when the symptoms get worse? Being an honest person, I suppose I would most likely tell them at the first instance. However, the rules would be different depending on who's doing the proposing; should it be a run-of-the-mill Arranged Marriage, then I'd tell them there and then with some tactful questioning leading up to it. If it's a boyfriend, then I may be inclined to tell them a little later on...perhaps if they began to see the relationship going long-term, but then they'd have developed feelings for me so may be more inclined to stick with me for a while so as not to seem like a prick...I haven't even told the majority of my friends yet, let alone a non-existent boyfriend! See, it's a tough subject to bring up...I wish there was an easier way to do this, but I figure that since my eyes are okay for now, then there's no point and I should only bring it up in the real problem areas, like going clubbing or to the cinema or to a platonic 'dinner-date'...
Thinking about it though, I guess I only have to really worry about the Arranged Marriage scenario, because frankly I've never been in a relationship and I don't really see myself in one anytime soon. It's not like I'm averse to sharing my life with someone - my mother's always encouraged me to get a boyfriend - I think it's really down to how stupid I am when it comes to recognising when people are interested in me. To be honest, I just don't feel comfortable thinking of every dude I meet as a potential bed-buddy, so I tend to keep that part of myself switched off and it makes it much easier talking to people, since I'm shy as anything. Also, taking the plunge and taking a relationship further has a lot riding on it - I start to panic just thinking about it! I mean, how does one feel comfortable and secure enough to let someone else in on so many levels?
Not only do I have to worry about that, but I also have to wonder if whoever's dumb/courageous/patient enough to be with me is someone I can trust in the long-term.
It's not like I've never been asked out...actually it's been about a total of a possible three? I'm not sure...the first guy asked when I was in Sixth Form and into someone else, but he phrased it in such a vague way like he was asking my opinion and I'm not the type to go out with someone just because I'm getting nowhere with the person I'd rather be with; during University, the second guy never asked but his friend started a pretty strange conversation that was rudely interrupted by someone and it's been bothering me ever since and the third guy asked while I was taking a Summer Math/Science course...I turned him down and he called me a racist.
Another issue about Arranged Marriages, is that in my experience Indian families can be quite weird. From personal experience, I can firmly say that there are some right monsters out there - real wolves in sheep's clothing, so to speak. It's a scenario we're used to hearing about, where someone gets involved with/marries Prince Charming only to find out that he's Mr. Hyde - I was going to say Gaston, but Gaston doesn't strike me as a monster. Now spin it so that the entire husband's family is like that; where do you get the strength to retain who you are when you're continually put down, taken advantage of, blamed for things beyond your control and there's no-one to trust?
I have always maintained that any suitor I take the hand of has to be willing to have his own house; I am not moving in with his family like traditional Indian girls do. I'm marrying the suitor, not his family. So far, the only suitor's I've had and turned down are men in their 30's (while I was 18), essentially looking for a green-card while being in the country on a worker's permit or some such and/or living with their family still. I know I'm not one to talk about being put off by someone living with their family, since I live with mine, but I do plan to once my brothers finish University so am saving up in the meantime.
Gosh, reading over this it appears like all I'm doing is bashing, but I'm trying to convey that I have to be more prudent in my choices in life. I have to continually think as smart as my limited brain-power will allow before getting distracted by the nearest shiny object...
* For those who don't know, I urge you to Wiki it or pick it up at your nearest Video Rental outlet. It's a good movie and seems more plausible than The Matrix - I hated that series of movies.
** Perhaps I should now carry around a card with my number and the following on the reverse: WARNING! The possessor of this number has a fairly rare genetic condition in that their vision is slowly deteriorating to the point that one day they will be blind, or will have severely impaired vision at best. Further contact with this individual stipulates that you have read and understood this warning, and that either you a) only wish to bed her or b) have accepted that possibility in its entirety and are still willing to pursue a long-term relationship ending in the possibility of marriage and offspring.
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